103 People Unfriended Her, How Many Would Do the Same to Me

freshly-pressed-rectangleI came across a Huffington post about a woman who posted pictures of herself on her Facebook wall that caused a collapse in her social circle.  The headline said “When Beth Posted These Images on Facebook, 103 People Unfriended Her”.   

The headline effectively grabbed my attention, but what the story really did was zero in on the heart of one of my own deepest fears.  It cut to a deep vulnerability that even I don’t fully understand, but it’s one that has held me back from engaging as fully in life as I possibly could.  I can’t do that until I can somehow get to a place of true peace about it.

canvas-scars-e1402024284679The pictures that Beth Whaanga, the woman in the Huffington piece, posted were semi-nude images of herself featuring her scars from a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy.  They were taken by a photographer leading a project called, “Under the Red Dress”. It endeavors to share a pictorial story to inform and support anyone who has or may be affected by breast cancer.

I found the project a beautiful and amazing effort and I applaud Beth’s astonishing courage. It was those 103 friends though, that stayed with me longer than the point of her story.  They represented the maybe 103 reasons I have an issue of my own.  Like Beth, my body has been criss–crossed with several large and deep scars, not from cancer, but another serious chronic issue. I find despite my confidence in life generally, I haven’t yet been able to re-gain confidence about this new reality of my own image.

I know some of my friends might be surprised to hear this, but maybe not a few who knew me from long ago when I was more carefree in my pre-health issue, pre-pregnancy and pre-surgical body.  I received plenty of positive attention back then, and I am sure that, despite all equality efforts to move past this, I won some business benefits because of my appearance.  Looks matter.

In seeming contradiction to what I’m saying so far, I do have a full life, in large part because of those scars.  My priorities absolutely honed in on family, community, purpose(s), and I do live to serve as best as I am able, but.  But.

  •  But now there are tremendous differences in my body and there’s not much I can do about it without the resources that I might employ if I had them.
  • But now I don’t know how to dress in ways that are really about highlighting my best, and not hiding the changed stage starring scars that come through the fabric.
  • But I have no idea how many more scars will be added.
  • But I don’t want anyone to see them. Hey, when even your loved ones grimace….
  • But what if I really like someone and then….?  How many of the 103 are on my path?
  • But what if I’m not enough for someone to see past them?
  • But, what kind of person would be attracted to this? Ugh! What kind of person would be attracted to this?

Cripes, I didn’t even want to tell anyone I had them, and now that I have, it’s still safe to say that there will be no pole-dancing in my future.

Yes, I know I am not my scars.  That, on the surface of it, considering that I have been able to claim at least 4 of my 9 lives, this shouldn’t even be a factor in my world.  I’ve been told to wear my scars proudly, as the badges of (literal & figurative) survival. Truth be told, I would say the same to someone else.  So then, why aren’t I able to do that for me?  Why can I stand up for Beth, but not me?

I’m one of those people who believe that there are no real coincidences and that I was meant to see this story.  It compelled me to review myself again and honestly and directly confront the part of me that holds me back from feeling whole again.  I believe in my whole spirit, but I haven’t yet worked out how to truly infuse that into my life experience.  I know that next to that, one new step is allowing me to entertain the idea of another relationship. (Yes, girlfriends and parents, I know you think the time for a new man is overdue, but…).

In the end, I have to live with myself, and I find that hard enough in some of the ways I’ve shown.  I’m not sure if I will ever live with someone else again, but if I decide that’s for me, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to get to that place of peace first.

So there, I’ve said it out loud. Sort of.  Maybe this note is about just getting to honest acknowledgement that this is real for me and the real me.  Perhaps the scars are a step in my overall purpose. Maybe someday I will be as brave as Beth – not for  pictures, but in her confident acceptance.  I don’t have the answers yet, but I hope to one day.  This is a story written mid-struggle.  For now, the only thing about life that I’m certain about is it’s uncertainty, – and how much I love my boy.

RL

392 thoughts on “103 People Unfriended Her, How Many Would Do the Same to Me

  1. I don’t think I could ever have the courage to do what she did, but I would NEVER have unfriended her for doing it. It makes me wonder what kind of creeps were on her page before. I have a friend now who posts some images that sometimes I find disturbing, but I would never remove her. I just know not to check my feed while eating breakfast now! Good on her showing herself, and horrah for you for being honest with yourself. That’s where it all starts afterall 🙂

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    • I know exactly what you mean, I couldn’t do it either. I had a chuckle at the breakfast comment, but I understand what you mean about viewing things at more appropriate times. ;D I really don’t know what was in the minds of those people, but I do think once they were gone, her base of friends left was definitely more solid. Thanks so much for coming by and sharing your thoughts!

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  2. I can’t pretend that I understand your struggle. But I do understand my own struggles with depression, anxiety attacks and ptsd in the last few years. Blogging has helped me tremendously to face it head on, and to pretty much say “f*ck it” to those who judge me. To those who think I’m weak. To those who think I should simply be happy. And to those who think they can judge me while they haven’t got a bloody clue what it’s like to deal with mental health issues.
    And it’s totally ok. The fact that you wrote this blog is the first step of you acknowledging that there’s a problem here. Take your time. You absolutely need to be comfortable with yourself before you will feel so in front of anyone else, especially someone special. And if that person is worth it, be it a frd who sees you naked at the gym, or a special someone who makes you feel the butterflies in your stomach, they won’t judge you.
    I’m rooting for you, lady! You have made the first step towards something beautiful. I’m happy for you and proud of you for sharing this here. 🙂

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    • Hello Lululucy! I’m like you in finding blogging to be a helpful and creative outlet. I really love your attitude and the point of your blogging. You gave me a laugh and lots of smiles. I love how you absolutely got it about where I am in this process. Actually, I should say how much I felt heard by you. Utterly heartwarming. Thank you so much for that, and for your beautiful words of encouragement. How great it is that you stopped by my post. Cheers to you, and all the best in your battles to overcome too.
      Robyn

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  3. Wow! Thank you for writing and posting this!

    I grew up with a mother who was ashamed of her scarred body from a lifetime of surgeries that started before she even hit her tweens. I remember, vividly, the mockery and disrespect people showed her nearly every time we left the house. And yet it never killed her strength, grace or spirit of kindness.

    She’s gone now, having finally been taken by another horrible disease. I will never have her strength, but I am mighty proud to have been her daughter!

    I am so glad Freshly Pressed featured your post. It’s much easier said than done – trust me, I DO get it – but please know that not all people are like those that “unfriended” Beth. Good riddance to them, I say. Her courage, and yours for speaking out with her, is amazing. If you did the same and were on my Friends List, I would applaud you. And be very, very proud to count you as my friend.

    To those who say it wasn’t the “appropriate forum,” I say too bad. If you let your young children on Facebook, or the internet at all without closely monitoring their every move, let the watch TV or see magazines…pretty much if they are not kept in a hermetically sealed bubble of censorship, then I promise you, they will encounter much worse. At least with this brave and beautiful young lady, it was a teachable opportunity. Neither she, nor YOU, have ANYTHING to be ashamed of.

    Dang, now I wish I could hug both of you! 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for sharing this amazing story. I have read it a couple of times and it is so heartrending. I’m sorry that you mom had to go through what she did, and I so am sorry for your loss. I am so impressed though, with your strength, and that you have come out of that with this much kindness and compassion. Thank you for that, for your words of encouragement, and the hug wishes. So awesome to read, and right back at you! Take good care.

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      • Awe, thank you Blog Woman. Enough time has passed that the grief isn’t as sharp anymore. I will always miss her, but you know what? Her passing was actually a bit of a relief.

        She had suffered horribly and for so long, that all us who loved her were glad to know she was no longer in pain.

        It’s been nice “meeting” you! Best regards. 🙂

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  4. Reblogged this on Seeking My Lost Voice and commented:
    This is a wonderful post featured in Freshly Pressed. The author, Blog Woman, recounts her reactions to the story about a brave young woman who posted some honest pictures on Facebook showing exactly what breast cancer and the surgeries to save her life, have done to her body.

    I read the original article and Blog Woman’s response to it. To me, both these woman are brave, beautiful and so very inspirational! Please, take a moment to read them. I promise, you won’t be sorry! 🙂

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  5. Great Blog, I get it and I think there are two subjects here, well sorta! One the subject of being unfriended, In the real world that would hurt if all of a sudden you lost a portion of your following, We put a lot of power in our following, although maybe we shouldn’t because people follow for as many different reasons as there are people. On Facebook, (and in real life) other peoples opinion is something that belongs to them and really you, or I have no control over! (I have some really strong words to the idiots who would unfriend a person who was using photos to help expose the pain from an illness)

    The other subject I see is the one about fear of exposure, the exposure of showing your self and being rejected. I think that is something that we all struggle with. In part it is our society that has done it, We find self worth in the continued acceptance of others, we find who we are by what they have to say about us. Even as we do it we know it is wrong!!! So why do we do it? Is it because that it is easier to focus on what we don’t like about our own image than what we do.

    I had an incidence the other day that made me take a look at my real self. i had a “blind date” really just a meet up for coffee and a hello, but I was nervous and I wanted to make a good impression. While I was waiting for my new friend to arrive I did a dumb thing! I took a selfie to check how my hair looked. no mirror available! BAD IDEA! In my mind I see myself as this young person, she is always with me no matter how old I get. She is my confidant and she is my best friend. While I was waiting, the self talk going though my head was the typical stuff, you are good enough, this will be fun, hiding is not an option if you want a social life, etc… Then taking a look at that ” woman in the mirror” totally blew my mind! I saw a slice of reality, and I was stopped in my tracks. I don’t even know why, it was a dumb thing, but it was real to me and it ruined my date! The 16 year old in my head saw a picture of the 58 year old in my reality! I know that I am okay, I know that it is not an important issue, I am getting older, we all are. But just the shock of seeing it hit home.

    Since self image is so powerful we must get a grip on it. I know that the scars we carry around usually mean more to us than anyone else. we can remember how it used to be, the other person may or may not be able to, chances are it does not matter to them any more than how they look matters to us.

    I feel for you, and I hope you find your desire by getting past what someone else might think. and really if it bothers them they are not worthy of you in their life!

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    • I have stumbled over and over how to open my reply to your message because I have so many different levels of reaction. Oh my God, what a stunning reveal, and yes I completely get it, and yes, you completely got it for me. The way you have described this one situation is such an incredible and searing example of the emotion and fear. I don’t know if you have done yet, but this would be an amazing, and relatable post.
      Thank you so much for sharing this experience with me. You have touched some nerves and my heart so deeply. Thank you so much for stopping by my story and for your words of encouragement. I wish the best of success for your journey too.
      Take care,
      Robyn

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  6. I came across this blog post on Freshly Pressed, and I applaud your courage to speak about your scars. There are some things that I would never discuss on my own blog simply because I do not want people to judge me based on things that are beyond my personal control. It takes courage to speak up about your scars, and I think its amazing.

    As for the loss of “friends” on Facebook, I think she is probably better off without them. If they were not friend enough to support her and respect the fact that she is so brave, then they probably weren’t good friends to begin with. I don’t have a Facebook account, but I know that I wouldn’t unfriend someone just because they showed pictures of their scars. That is petty, rude and just plain mean. That woman went through a terrible experience, she survived and then people removed her for showing the price of her survival. So petty.

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    • Hello Helen, thank you for this. I really wonder if I would have had the bravado if I hadn’t first seen the courage of Beth first. By the time I did see her, I reached at point of feeling up against a wall, and I just wanted to push back because you get to that point of what is there to lose?. I don’t really know what I will be losing at this point, if anything, but I think I will look at it as a sort of resume now. It should help shorten time wasting with people I wouldn’t want to associate with anyway. At least, that’s what I say today. Tomorrow I may be a little less brave, but for today, I’ve got one step forward. Thanks so much for your visit and thoughtful comment.

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  7. As a person grappling with self-confidence issues since my pre-teen, I totally relate to you and what you’re going through, sister. Especially the “who would like THIS” part. I am not sure how many friendships I might have lost because of it. It’s a struggle i am sure. To not give in to your insecurities. But you have to learn to identify if the apparent sound reason you just made to NOT go out with that nice guy (or girl) is your superior human knowledge speaking or your inferiority complex. You’ll be surprised to learn about yourself too. Take care.

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  8. Interesting post, and thank you for sharing. All I can say (cliche that it is) is to make the best with what we have. In doing that, we can find all the confidence needed. I had been doing life modeling for years, when I was hit with an unfortunate series of surgeries that left their mark on my torso. I stopped modeling for a long while, but eventually worked very hard to be my “new” best. The life modeling has returned, more successful than before, and my scars have been put in the backseat where they belong. I do believe we have the power to make these things as big or little of an issue as we choose.

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    • Hello Jeff. Cliches or not, the fact that someone is taking the time to read my story, and then comment means a great deal to me. I agree with you that overcoming our fears is about changing our perception of them. I congratulate you on moving past and succeeding despite those setbacks. I hope to catch up to you soon, it is good to know that there are lots of reasons for hope. Thank you so much for your visit!

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  9. great post! I don’t understand people, but i do know if everyone thought like me the world would be a better place. I know i can afford to lose 103 friends on fb. cuz if they would unfriend me for a semi nude pick of my cancer scar, i did not need them in the first place…but since i am not very good at taking pics, i would not do this any way…i do not understand the concept of selfies…it is like everyone should just put a mirror on you when they are talking so they can talk to their favorite person.. oops…i digress…

    but you are right, looks do matter.

    most of us have scars that hold us back from something…mental scars can be pretty debilitating, too…moving forward is not easy when we hold ourselves back because of what we think other think of us….

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    • Thank you dREamMODELINGguy. Love that name. Here’s to hoping we all find our own easiest path to healing from all scars. Thank you for your comment, I enjoyed reading what you had to say.

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  10. Nobody should ever be afraid to show scars internal or external!! I wrote a book that talks about being able to share your internal scars (Taking Back the Pen- on Amazon.com) our scars become our story!!!!

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  11. That was very emotional and touching that you opened up like that, and like you said those are battle scars. You shouldnt feel ashamed of them, you should weat them pridefully. And to anyone that tells you otherwise they ignorant, inexperienced people

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  12. Hi there I read your blog and really liked it. I just started my blog page and it’s in regards to a rare illness I have and I’m doing it show support to other with the same illness as me to inspire them to live on even though time can run out. Please do follow back and have a read when I put my first post. X

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  13. I wonder the same things about my own scars. Would I ever be brave enough to do something like that? Who would unfriend me if I did the same thing? Who could possibly see past my scars?
    And then I see her, and other people with worse scars than me. And I do not focus on their scars like I do mine, why is that? I see theirstrength, I see what it took to survive, but I don’t do that with myself.

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    • Hello, thank you so much for this. I don’t know why we are so much harder on ourselves in these ways. I’m sure there are loads of theories and measured reasons, but for now, I’m muddling through the discovery of my own. It has been so helpful though to have this discussion going. There have been some really great thoughts shared. Thank you for yours, and I wish you the very best in getting past this fear of ours. Take good care.

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  14. One thing I don’t understand is why they would unfriend her. I think it’s great that she posted that! It sounds like a great project and I agree with you that it was a wonderful idea. The world is scary.

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    • The world can definitely be scary, but the people coming by on this post have been really wonderful and uplifting. They remind that it ‘s far from all bad. Thank you for being one of them.

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  15. There are some people in the world who are truly shallow, they can’t help it. Society has grown to believe that one has to be perfect and scars, bruises, and imperfection in a way take away from the value of the person. I believe that those scars only add to the individuals value. It gives them battle scars, wounds that give them a reminder that they can overcome!

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    • Thank you CC. for your understanding and for your really wonderful viewpoint on this. We need to have even more of you for sure. Your comment really lifted up my day. Thank you for your visit.

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  16. Iv never understood why scars are considered ugly and unnatural in our society, Its the strangest thing isn’t it, scars are the most natural thing on a persons body! they are a far more revealing form body art than tattoos, they tell a persons story. Weather they are from falling off your bike as a kid, battle scars from working in the army, or stretch marks and stitches scars from having a baby, they are just a mark on your body! its irrelevant really in the big scheme of things but I just don’t understand. My fiance tells me that he has honestly never thought about my stretch marks from my pregnancy in a negative way. I mean its not like they are gorgeous, but to him they are just apart of me and we wouldn’t have our son if i didnt have them so we love them just for that reason alone. He always kisses my scar where I had a large melanoma removed from my thigh because if it wasn’t there I wouldn’t be here today.
    Love your honesty xx

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    • I really loved reading your point of view – not understanding why scars are considered ugly. I think we all need to have another look at the why of that point. So simple a question and yet… Hopefully we will all get to your understanding far sooner because of these discussions. As for your fiance, I’m going to have to say, he’s a keeper! Thank you so much for your visit, I really enjoyed it.

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  17. I remember finding a book about the holocaust when I was a child. I was morbidly fascinated by the images that I found in there. I remember seeing hundreds of people being marched naked through the streets but didn’t really understand or appreciate the significance of it all.

    I came across the book again, many years later and saw the same page…the same scene of all the naked victims being marched through the streets. The images were heartbreaking. They went through so many other horrific experiences but the humiliation of having to walk naked through a street, with both strangers and people they knew, seemed to really hit me…disturbed me deeply.

    I know the above may seem totally unrelated to your post, but your post got me thinking about being undressed in public and whether I could do it….for whatever reason…it made me think of the above.

    Like you, I have scars. Some through accidents, some through operations, some self inflicted because of yoyoing weight. Then there’s the fat, unattractive flabby bits……..so, in my heart of hearts, I could never imagine being confident enough to bare all, not even for education or the good of a cause…. but because of it, I can appreciate the enormous amount of courage it took for Beth to do what she did. I think she’s a living hero and those that deleted her just aren’t getting the significance of it all…her personal battle and journey is one we could all be faced with. I can only assume they’re shallow. For their sake, it’s a shame they didn’t hang around and learn one of life’s important lessons….but at least now she’s surrounded by people that get it, they appreciate what she’s been through and what’s she’s been prepared to do, so that people like her and like us can take stock and know they’re is life beyond a broken body.

    Going back to another point you mentioned, I’m also faced with having to start again and the thought of being undressed and intimate with someone new, now that I’m ‘less than perfect,’ fills me with terror. I can’t offer you any answers, only understanding and support. So thank you for posting such a wonderful piece, about such a personal issue.

    Good luck to you and Beth for the future and well done for being freshly pressed.

    Adele
    x

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    • Hello Adele. I am so touched by your incredibly thoughtful reply. There really are a lot of mirrored ideas within the examples you’ve given. The circumstances are different, yet the level of exposure and vulnerability of nakedness is universal. I really feel for your fear of intimacy, I understand that so well. What Beth, and others like her, have shown me is a courage that has moved me enough to put my post out there. I’m not sure what the next step will be. It’s really a ‘let’s see what the day brings’ kind of path. It is an immense help though to speak with, and hear so many of the views that people have expressed in these comments. It’s been a whirlwind actually, of kindness and genuineness that’s far exceeded what I might have expected when I hit that publish button. It’s been an amazing blanket of support. Thank you so much for your understanding and honest comments. I also appreciate your well wishes and I return them to you too, all the very best.
      Robyn

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  18. Unreal! Man people are so frugal in thought sometimes. Can they not see the big picture. After reading your post I am now prompted to find her on FB and add her as a friend. Thanks for sharing!

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    • Thank you Mary, and man, do I love the way you expressed small mindedness – frugal in thought, and the idea to find her for FB friendship. Your personality just makes me smile. Thanks for coming by, I really enjoyed your visit!

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      • Hi Blog Woman

        You are most welcome.

        Thank you for the Kudos. I hold it in high regard, especially when it come from a great writer like yourself. Hope to talk to you soon..

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    • Thanks Christy. It really is a cumulative effect, because of the likes of you, Beth, and a few others who have been brave enough to share their vulnerabilities and worries. Strength in numbers, and growth in compassion. Thank you so much for your kindness, and especially for helping me learn.
      Hugs,
      Robyn

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  19. Sometimes people can be real idiots. This is no different than people constantly reporting breastfeeding or childbirth photos, yet they are totally ok with girls posting selfies of themselves almost completely naked or in a provocative pose. There was nothing wrong with the photos that that woman posted showing her scars. If her friends didn’t want to see them, they didn’t have to unfriend her. All they had to do was make it so that her posts don’t show up in their news feed. Our society is in a sad state of affairs and like I said, sometimes people can be real idiots. Oh, and all of the people who unfriended her obviously were not her real friends because real friends would have supported her.

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    • Thank you, and yes, I think you are right when you say we’ve got our priorities all mixed up. Actually, it’s reading comments like yours that gives added strength to those of us who feel some fear about our imperfections. It is a huge help to hear people say what you have because we start to see that maybe there are many more of you than we think. Thank you so much for that, and for your visit.

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  20. My wife has a large scar on her left knee cap that she received when falling on black ice in a grocery store parking lot. She was with her ex-husband then, and her story of how he was of little help or concern always makes my heart hurt a little whenever I see that scar. At the same time, I also feel appreciation for being the man who is there for her now — and who will always be there for her. When you find the right man, he will feel the same and embrace the opportunity to love you in a way that will heal the scars within.

    Beautiful piece, Robyn. Thank you for following your heart and putting it here for everyone to share.

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    • I saved your comment for last in my replies today because I just wanted to relish the words for awhile Ned. Hearing a comment like yours from the other side of my concerns is just so comforting on so many levels. First, although I’m not surprised that the nature of this story is part of your personal repertory, (you are Ned after all), it is comforting on that level of wondering, or just plain hope about the idea of – what kind of men are out there? It’s really nice to (sort of) know someone firsthand who is an example of what can happen. I don’t know if there will ever be an if or when for me in this, but if so, I really hope it’s another Ned Hickson type.
      I am really so happy for you and Alicia. It’s so damned enjoyable to see this much love and respect displayed between two people despite the hurtful obstacles you’ve both overcome in the past. I’m pretty sure you’re the man I am trying to grow my boy into.

      Thank you so much for your support, and shared story, Ned. It really means a hell of a lot.

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      • I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your words, Robyn. You’re a remarkable woman who any man — “Ned Hickson type” or otherwise — would be fortunate to have in his life. And that especially includes your son, who I know, given your example, will grow up to be quite remarkable as well. I have to say, what you said about growing your son into someone like me is one of the most profound compliments I’ve ever been given.

        I’m at a loss other than to say, Thank You.

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  21. It would be interesting to know how many people sent Beth Whaanga friend requests after the pictures were posted. I’m optimistic enough to believe that it would be a lot more people than the 103 who were so offended that they felt it necessary to un-friend her.

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    • Now this is a question I found so much fun to think about. I don’t know the answer, but I like to think that you are more than right about your guess. I wouldn’t be surprised that is the case based on the incredible comments I’ve received so far. Thank you so much for your visit, and your wonderful comment.

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  22. I was very touched and moved by this blog because it shows what a messed up Society we live in. When we truly let our guard down then you start to see the true colors of people.
    You can say we don’t live in a swallow world because we do. It takes a strong woman to reveal herself flaws and to be mocked at or unfriended on Facebook is so crazy. God has bigger things for you and you just don’t know it yet.

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    • Thank you for this comment. You are right about that vulnerable way of finding out who is friend or not. In a way, it is housecleaning, and painful as it is, it’s more often better to be clear about who in your life you can trust than not. I have been seeing how many more people there are that are good and kind and decent because of this post. Thank you for visiting and for giving me another avenue of hope.

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      • You are so welcome. I have learned who I want in my circle and who I can trust. I noticed when I needed people the most they weren’t there. So you have to take it all with a grain assault because it only makes you stronger. Please check out my blog.

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  23. I’m at work eating lunch and having trouble not bursting out in tears when I read this. It’s a very moving and honest post and I hope with all my heart it gets easier for you.

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    • Oh my gosh, Paulina, what a huge heart you have. Thank you so much for your kind wishes and warmth. Thank you for reading my post, and giving some of your time to write your note to me. I really appreciate that.
      Robyn

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    • Thank you very much| I am definitely looking forward to checking out my fellow blogger sites. This recent foray has certainly introduced me to so many awesome writers. Thanks for your visit, and I hope to see you soon!

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  24. Reblogged this on Avant-garde Coach and commented:
    This is an amazing, truthful and authentic sense of being a woman that is truthfully hidden and some people find it unacceptable to even show it. I applaud all women who stood by your courage. I applaud you for being a woman.
    Read this be and be empowered.

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  25. I am blown away by your honesty and vulnerability, and hers. I, too, am reflagging. As a person who is struggling with hearing loss that seems to want to get worse, I feel the vulnerability of your scars. If I end up not being able to hear, how many will unfriend me (in life?)

    Such a thoughtful and brave woman she is and you. Go find a guy, be confident, you deserve great love, and I will someday love to see a blog about this new love of yourself and for another. Peace to you.

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    • I have been blown away by the comments of amazing support like yours. I’m working my way to those new roads, and hopefully it won’t be very long before I write another post that starts with, “Hey, guess what people”? 😉

      Thank you so much for your visit, and the “reflag”. That was actually funny. Really can’t stand that Damnautocorrect either. 🙂

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  26. I’ve not read the other comments, but going through chronic and debilitating illness colors every aspect of your — I’m sorry: MY life. That can’t be separated from who I am. I moderate my feelings in talking to people about it, but i do to hide them. I think that showing both humor and vulnerability in the face of these challenges really is the key. Then when things go to shit, your real friends are still there. It’s no loss, in my view, for people who can’t deal to leave my circle. And no judgement on them (mostly), because we all have our own can’t deal quirks. It’s thinning out the solid from the those who are cluttering up your life without contributing. Scars and all, you are a valuable person. Wiser, honed by hardship, and I would guess a more compassionate soul. The interior you makes the scars meaningful. Badges of your struggle. They are nothing to be ashamed of. Lecture, complete, and wishing you love and happiness.

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your experience(s) with me. I have found these conversations to be really helpful and encouraging. One step closer to another level of strength. Thank you also for the love and happiness wishes, and I send them your way too.
      Big hugs,
      Robyn

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    • Thank you so much, for your your visit, and your succinct wisdom.
      P.S. I had to check your page, because I wanted to see if I’d read your blog name correctly. I read it as Marshall, but charm strong. LOL – but then again, maybe you do. 🙂 Thanks again for your comment.

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  27. I just cannot believe 103 people unfriended bcuz of that it just shows their true colors I suppose I have some awful scarring across my chest from an open heart that was performed in 1977 when they didn’t have all the fancy technology they have today let’s just say no pole dancing in my future either sister I’ve never even worn a two piece swim suit!!! But people are so cruel they never look at a person’s heart they only look at a person’s outer-looks anyways thanks for sharing such a wonderful eye opening article…

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    • Isn’t it something, that so many people did that? I suppose we don’t know all the reasoning behind it all, but as many have said, they could have unfollowed, hidden the post, whatever option available outside of unfriending. I found it hard to believe that they also didn’t already know about her cancer battle.
      On the other hand, the comments I’ve received so far on this post have been incredibly supportive and full of kindness. Far more than her 103. I think I’m starting to get the picture that we can be kinder to ourselves sooner than later. Thanks so much for your visit and adding to the kindness group.

      Like

      • I think, I don’t know for sure but the reason behind all the un- friending was selfishness we, including myself could all learn to become more sensitive, humble, to the needs of others…in this day with social media, bullying, there’s just so much more compared to when you & I grew up not to say we’re old & dusty. I was also shocked to read that these said “friends” did not know about her cancer battle. Like I was saying people in general, including myself, need to be more humble walk someone else’s journey before you judge. Thanks for writing me dear,

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