Tales From The Heart: Dad

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Nova Scotia, July 2017

Of great character
Lovely men earn the prizes
Strong and gentle wins

Cowards wilt in their presence
Fight or flight; laugh while they run

Haiku / Tanka

 

I’ve written a few times about the days of my childhood, when my mother was alone or alone within the presence of an abusive man who tormented her and her children. I’ve even written a bit about that broken man. Yet, I’ve never been able to really put down a word of meaning about the man who would ultimately become my beacon of manly decency, the barometer for all who’d follow and be measured against.

No matter how hard I tried to write a nod of love for Father’s Day or his birthday, whatever event, I would draw a blank or the words I put down felt far too much like a eulogy. Even when I wanted to relay one of his famous tales of hilarity, I’d cringe at how much it felt like I was standing at a funeral lectern; the same feelings washed over me as did when I delivered a eulogy for one of his grandchildren.

Then, this summer holiday, during our annual events of hugs and dinner talk, huge laughter, day trips, familial eye-rolling impatience, and intense political arguments that look like someone’s about to get offed, I entered epiphany territory. If I didn’t say these things now, for him, to him, ultimately my words really would simply become the very thing I feared.

So here it is, not a “Happy Something Day” anything. Just a summer hug to my dad, who as a step-father, stepped in it and all over it in his own inimitable way, to become the embodiment of what a man of decency and character should be. Whose heart was far bigger than he needed to shelter us. Whose protective and respectful love is genuine and unreserved.

He’s shown how it’s done after screw ups. Oh yes, he’s definitely a pro at screwing up, BUT he’s equally adept at employing his best to undo his infractions. His apologies are quick and he fills the holes of his failings with triple the ratio of acts of kindness. I’ve never met a man who wants to make up for his failings as badly as he. It’s one of his most admirable aspects which has repaid him with enormous, widespread respect.

Outside of that, he’s your basic straight shooter, what you see is what you get, and certainly honesty is a key attribute. Well, unless he’s got a story to tell. There’s no doubt he’s got a blarney bone floating in there, but that’s just one more lovable trait, right? I’ve not met anyone yet, who can tell a tale with his level of wit and witty circuitous routes. That’s bonus material right there.

Tin man 7.jpg

Oz never needed to give this Tin Man a heart

And so, if all this isn’t the embodiment of good character, what is? His shoes will always be a bit of a loose fit for someone to fill, but that ain’t no complaint by me. Damned certain neither of us will ever make apology for that. I hope when he sees this note, he’ll feel my respect too. Maybe he’ll even have seen something that surprises. Whatever his feelings, I do know I’ll get a hug not long after.

Thanks, Dad.

RL

11 thoughts on “Tales From The Heart: Dad”

  1. I am so happy that a good man entered your life and had such a lovely influence on you, and particularly happy that you were able to find the words to do him justice (and you did). The words may always sound trite or seem insufficient, but as long as you are expressing your feelings from your heart and soul, they will always be a gift.

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    • Thanks, Randall. I really don’t understand why it took until now, but maybe I needed the few bumps I got here and there to sort it out. It’s somewhat disorienting really, how after the years of recovery work (and the HUGE mistakes made during them) when I finally got to a point of clarity about what I wanted, actually deserved, in a partner of my own, that it would be a gift of very limited time. The Universe is a mighty big player sometimes. I’ve also just realized I spent more time writing about the ahole that followed than that love of my life.
      Sighs abound. Well, I have no idea what the future holds, but at the least, I will know there were 2 men who loved me in the real sense. That’s a decent record for a lifetime, I think.

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  3. Naw, Lovely. Nice job on talking up your dad. I bet he loved it. You know you’ve got a lot more real love than you admit here, sweetheart. We know we’d be counting 3, 4 and 5 straight away if you’ve a mind to. 😀 You know we’d also make sure you’ve no cowardly aholes following your trails too. Stay happy, sweetheart.

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    • Aw, thank you, my friend(s)! And, hahahha…. you already know I write to avoid timelines. I may have already posted something up that speaks to certain meetings of the, uh, minds. 🙂
      As always, so glad and grateful to have your support. Always. xo

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  4. I really don’t deserve the degree of your kindness and love, but you are a person that lit up my life when we connected. You are always there for me when problems arrive, to confide in, to help relieve my cluttered mind regarding all issues. Although there is great distance and many time zones from where we live, you are always near in my heart and always will be. I love you more than banana cream pie, lobster and Jiggs dinner, and you know how high they are on my list. Luv ya tons., so honored to have you as a daughter.

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