I Know What You Did Last Summer; We’ll Speak No Evil

No, I don’t really know what you did last summer nor the summer before. Not even the summer I originally wrote this, but although circumstances changed for some of us, I know it still speaks to what someone is enduring today. We all cope with painful events, but is it also necessary for them to be hidden, secreted away for whatever sake?

I live in an average nice community of nice families. We’re privileged to send our children to wonderful schools and numerous extracurricular activities.  We live in a flurry of motion around those needs, our work, and the occasional indulgences for grown-ups.  We live a life of wonderful.  At least, from all appearances that’s what it seems like.

The truth behind this peaceful picture is that life is really not unlike the quiet drama worthy of Wisteria Lane, the street belonging to the now defunct TV show Desperate Housewives.

see-no-evil-speak-no-evil-hear-no-evil

Of our group of housewives, two have just got diagnoses for severe diseases. One is being supported ideally, the other enduring the painful lesson of learning who her real friends are and terribly embarrassed about it. One of us is managing stage 4 cancer. That’s dismal enough, but what’s not so well-known is that she is also enduring painful loneliness caused by friends too afraid to visit anymore. One of us left a husband who drank too much and another got away from her abusive husband. Of course, nobody would ever have guessed that about either of those husbands.

Still more, there are a few of us living in quiet desperation while trying to find ways to re-kindle the strength of our relationships, and there are at least five of us in serious financial jeopardy. Another, utterly crushed by the tragic news that her father, who was out on a stroll, was killed by a stranger for no apparent reason.  Another average year in the neighbourhood except that, unless you’re one of us directly involved, you wouldn’t know it.

We talk easily about certain subjects, other people who are fighting illnesses, etc., but there are other aspects even within that topic that aren’t talked about. These are the subjects that are too awful or too personal.  But what does too personal really mean?  Is ‘too personal’ a masked phrase for ‘must be kept quiet in order to preserve a comfortable, but false, image’?  What is the image? What is the reward for preserving it?

Over the years, life has progressively got just a little more real for many of us.  We all know that happens on an intellectual level, but when it happens to us, we aren’t comfortable talking about it. We may very selectively choose whomever to unburden ourselves to a point. The trials of something breaking down are uncomfortable, often thought to be some kind of failing.

We don’t talk about these ‘failings’ beyond a certain level because?  You fill in the blank, but I’d bet all the answers will boil down to the fear of being judged.  If it’s about inability to cope with discussion, that’s another story, but maybe that’s a walk down the same road too anyway.

All of the events I noted are supposedly out of the ordinary, but I’ve been reconsidering this idea because they are all circumstances that happen every day somewhere near and far. What isn’t obvious, because of pretenses, is that there is virtually no household that hasn’t, or isn’t dealing with something they don’t want the neighbours to know about.

That’s a whole lot of judgment to put to bed. That’s a whole lot of excellent support potential, and think of the amazing advice waiting to be shared. That’s a lot of unrealized hope.

I’m open about my own issues because I’ve been shown that my stories are not unique. My problems are not special, not even the very worst of them. My friends have heard loads about the divorce that never ends, and myriad woes before & since. Whatever feelings I may have had in fear of judgment were, and are, wasted heartache. Secrets degrade every level of our being. The shame and fear I once had, claimed far too much of the precious time I could have had learning and moving on.

I’m not the circumstances that I’m in at the moment.  I am an entire lifetime of experiences that contain many highs in the light with the lows in the dark and murky.  Which ones do you think I’ve learned the most from?

Maybe we need to take it to heart that, when life is getting real with us, we need to start getting real with it.  Let’s stop pretending that we are only as good as our image.  It’s a terribly weak foundation to learn from, or teach how to overcome struggles. We really are all in the same boat, and once in a while we have to share the rowing.

When we share our perceived weaknesses, we learn so much more than we can ever imagine in fear. As we become genuine, we end up twice as strong, and eventually life does become genuinely lighter for us, and in all the places that secrets diminish.

We shall overcome.  Together.

Incidentally, if I ever look like I’m in need of a soothing hot beverage, would you make it the kind over ice, with a twist? Then, let’s talk.

RL

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About Blog Woman!!!

Once in a while I can rock a thought. I simply believe in what I stand up for. I'd most like people to know that surviving the trials of mountains and monsters is more than resilience - it’s a path to your destiny. On a mostly weekly basis I throw out a grab-bag of facts, ideas or creativity; like a box of chocolates wrapped in ribbons of occasional profanity.... In other words, it's my party I can fun if I want to. So, let's talk.
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11 Responses to I Know What You Did Last Summer; We’ll Speak No Evil

  1. trentpmcd says:

    What happens behind closed doors… I think it is about being judged. Unfortunately there are those out there who have their own issues yet are the first to stick the knife in. For a community to be a real community there needs to be sharing at all levels. How else do we get support when we need it unless people know. Anyway, great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dan Antion says:

    These same kind of stories play out in every neighborhood, every workplace, church, school, etc. Sometimes, it isn’t that the person you know is hiding something, it’s that they’re being told to hide something, which is often worse. Millions of little worlds…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Marvelous, perfect, post! Underneath, we are all living normal, sometimes desperate, lives.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lynn says:

    Robyn, like you, I am pretty open when it comes to discussing issues in my life with others. In doing so, I can only hope that others feel comfortable sharing the burdens they are carrying as well. Although we cannot always find a solution, the load somehow seems a wee bit lighter when we can share. Thank you for this post my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, dear Lynn, I have no idea how I missed this comment. Actually, I seemed to have missed everyone’s on this post. Sigh. Let’s assume it was a transfusion weekend and i was chemically beheaded. 🙂 And thank you! xo

      Liked by 1 person

  5. ledrakenoir says:

    Yeah tons of people are every day asked “How are you” and no one actually really want to know – we could all do it better – what is a normal life nowadays, guess we don’t know – but it doesn’t cost a penny to take a little care of each other – I used to say “No one have a future without a past” – Life is a damn lot about dare living and dare to be in touch with living people… 🙂

    Robyn, you are amazing… ;-).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, yes, yes! “No one have a future without a past”. And I can’t stand how afraid we have made people over all the millennia without good reason. I will keep my hopes high that our ability to speak with one another from all over the world now, will help us KNOW how much alike we are – well most of us. 🙂 I will hope that knowledge that we are so much the same will let us live so much easier and joyfully.
      I love, love, love how much you understand me. Thank you. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  6. calmkate says:

    life will always have challenges and the more sincerely we can share them the more genuine we can support and care for each other .. a powerful and profound post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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