Am I Nostradamus? Nah…

I’m no future predictor and my lived track record fully attests to that. Oy. On the other hand, my many years surviving so far may have given me a step ahead in assessing probabilities. That’s only a guess. So, I hope you’ll indulge me a little on my year-end musings for life in general for the upcoming one.

On December 31, 2019, I posted a small thought on a sense of optimism with a coat of trepidation that I’d felt then for the upcoming 2020. I had nothing concrete in support of that feeling, but it really didn’t take long for that intuition to receive validation.

Twenty four hours later our family was devastated by the shocking death of a young family member; only 20 days later, shocked again with the diagnosis of a fatal disease for another, and that all soon followed by the announcement of the world-wide pandemic. I suppose to say the world would also soon feel the shake-up would be a bit of an understatement.

I’d surmised in those early 2020 days, that this was a sort of re-set decade where we’d all be tested and revealed to be who we really are. The Decade of Exposure. A time when scales are removed from our eyes and the plugs removed from our ears and we take an honest hard look and accounting of the world we have built around and within, ourselves.

We’ve certainly gotten our eyes and ears full of that, haven’t we? The Decade of Exposure. It isn’t stopping at exposure either; the next steps are up to us and we are obliged to follow through or lose so much. It’s been a series of painful events, this world-wide learning curve to see what is, but it’s one that seems utterly necessary. We need to see it all to clean up our messes, whether on the micro or macro levels of our lives. Seems like that’s coming to fruition to a large degree too and thank goodness, because we are so far behind in equalizing equities and upholding justices.

We’re reviewing our leaderships; the people we choose to call our heroes; the rules of oligarchs and societal norms; the roles we all play and what our value is within them. We’re seeing how we’re manipulated by those factors and more, but through this, we’ve begun some promising insight for ourselves. It’s been something to see and hear so many, very thoughtful people moving to the forefront to speak up and challenge the cacophony of extremes, breaking up a good swath of apathy.

It’s this that tugs at that sense of optimism again for me. Still, despite my known lack in future reading, I can’t shake the sense of a bit of a continuing uphill challenge for 2023. I feel this winter will be a bit of a tester on several fronts and to remain cautious, to live with a little extra care, seems a good idea. My own relief is the belief that good things are soon coming behind all that. Our work to do better begins to pay off. We’re all a little wiser and better. At least, that’s my best dream, if not actual prescience.

And so, with that I wish all the very best for the new year. May all good dreams come true.

RL

Balancing challenge
Beauty and muddled chaos
Peace behind the fog
RL

Photo: Evening Snowfall, by DaXXe, Deviant Art

Introspection cleanse
Insight sparked
Reflection winner

RL

Photo: Brossen, by DaXXe, Deviant Art

Phoetry Secrets

I got lost in reveries until I was found, in a secret garden. Gem after gem hidden in plain sight; easily overlooked if a tennis or basketball court or a skateboarding park was the day’s goal. A slight veer off the beaten path and we were suddenly surrounded with joyful abundance – foods, flowers, pecking and scurrying friends. Veiled comfort shrouded by the sentinel trees. Bliss-inducing cooler air, sumptuous scents and the antics of competitive birds, squirrels and all their other woods-based rivals.

It was a good day to sit back and let life. I (we) should do that more often…

broke into pieces
but on a steel horse I ride
scrappy warrior

innoscents abound
purity of spirit sings
olfactory bliss

a Flicker of hope
silent prayers for a moment
to capture a song

languidly landing
“busy, busy”, they decree
Ain’t no time to play

mind your business
uninvited intruder
leave my nuts untouched 😉

a little yellow
brightens the world with a touch
even a birthday

It’s been a very busy year, with all moving toward bigger and better, but oh, to get back to more regularly combining camera and poetry… Balance is, in fact, the real spice of life. Here’s hoping we all get a little more even in the long run…

Cheers!

RL

Big Troubles and a Fence

Almost everyone has a bullying story; maybe dozens of them, even. This is one of mine. It’s the only one of mine I remember with this outcome.

Blog Woman!!! - Life Uncategorized

Being bullied as a kid feels like you’re walking out into a dangerous field that’s surrounded by a big fence electrified by fear. I remember this from when I was nine years old. I’ll always remember because no one forgets their encounters with bullies, ever.

playground 1For whatever reason, in grade four I caught the eye of our school bully. His name was Shane and although we were in the same grade, he was almost a head taller than me. I suppose it’s not surprising that a bully might have sought me out; I was one of the smallest in our class. I’m sure he felt confident I was one of the weakest.

Shane would look for opportunities to push me around and because he was so much bigger than me, it didn’t take much of a push from him to knock me down. He would generally follow that up with slapping…

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Uncomfortable Compromises

We learn as we experience it, that life is not cut and dry, that regardless of our highest ideals, when we get into the room with people who don’t think like us and/or do not give a damn about us, we will find ourselves in the midst of some uncomfortable conversations that lead to uncomfortable compromises. That’s reality. We don’t always get the choices we want; we simply get what we get and sometimes those choices are shitty, but we will agree to what we can because in many cases, we don’t really have a choice. The choice may mean literally starving or having to take it on the chin – for this round.

Image (modified) –The Independent

We all get to sit in those rooms some day and we will have those conversations and we will not always be on the winning end. Sometimes we will be made to accept a deal that we despise today, but may get us what is helpful in another way on another day. That’s life. That’s the whole game right there.

So, how do you think you’d play? So much better than those who’ve been traversing those minefields for decades? You wouldn’t be at all unusual if you answered, yes. Because, for all the generations, we all did.

Sometimes, in our roles as citizens watching our leadership(s), we learn some of our negotiators have less than our desired level of social and/or diplomatic skills – sometimes they say things that embarrass, sometimes they stumble hard. But often, at those negotiating discussions, they’re made to accept something quite awful from that table of the day and most times, they are unable to tell us exactly what went down at that table. Not because they don’t want to, but because silence is often a specified condition. Usually, it’s a condition meant to maximize the heat of humiliation or coercion; a public spectacle by the party with the upper hand meant to make sure one sticks to the bargain regardless of how distasteful or unfair. That is the reality of the political playing field. It is a vicious industry.

These same scenarios play out regularly in other arenas of our lives too. The same sort of offers and/or request denials occur around board tables in business, educational institutes, social justice platforms, even marriage. It really doesn’t matter – it’s a ubiquitous minefield of varying degrees within the human condition.

Life does not allow us to always have the upper hand even if we hold the highest card in ethics, morals, in the desire to do what’s most right. Many times we simply have to accept that we are all often made to agree to and endure uncomfortable compromises on a regular basis. I’ve personally found this to be one of the most frustrating, often saddening aspects of the facts of life, but it remains a fact nonetheless.

That’s why it’s necessary to look at the totality of any work on a regular basis. Taking stock, we call it. We do this to keep perspective and to respect the fact that few of us are so exceptional that we never have a moment of embarrassment or humiliation or disappointment or downright devastation when having to work something out that requires negotiation. It’s very hard work, often deeply demoralizing, and any who succeed at it, stumbling all along, while upholding the best they can for who they represent, has earned respect.

Sometimes, we forget that life is hard enough as it is without anyone ever having to create drama where none is needed. This too is a fine line dance that requires the benefit of experience to make reasonable discerning choices. Hopefully, we get the benefit of learning these lessons sooner than later, but if we don’t, let’s hope the consequences are less bitter or devastating than needed too.

The best visionaries are those who keep the biggest picture in focus to the best of their abilities. We all want to be led by such folks and in many instances, we are. We just need to keep our own sights on the bigger picture in support until we too get to that line of successful focus. It’s a major achievement. All the wishes in the world don’t get us there any faster. We need to also remember to not beat up on them or ourselves on our own way there, because that goal is simply not reached without the necessary journey to get there.

RL

Sirens and Lights and Speed, Oh My

So, I came across a newspaper story about my mom and me. It’s an old story, but for a few minutes I was taken back to a whole other world where sirens and flashing red lights were an average event we sped to.

We were an ambulance team. I’m pretty sure, in the early 1990s, we were the first mother and daughter team in Ontario. I wonder if we were the first Indigenous mother and daughter team as well. I don’t think either of us gave that any thought at the time. We were really only about applying the lessons my mom earned the credentials to teach for the benefit of our community and our own hearts.

Mom worked so hard in those days, spending 12 hour shifts providing first-aid standby at the gold mine, while in her off-time, she taught varying levels of St John’s Ambulance courses. That work got her called in as a volunteer for the ambulance attendant gig. While she was doing that, I was working through my second “mid-life crisis” during my mid-20s in Vancouver.

I’d discovered that all the things I’d been taught about achieving a successful life was a giant pile of unbaked United Kingdom Spotted Dick. So, what to do? I ended up resigning from my job, selling half my stuff, storing the rest and then I pointed my little car in the direction of east. I had no idea of where I would ultimately end up, but I did know the next step required me to put the pedal to the metal.

After a short stop in Thunder Bay, I ended up in a very unexpected peace as an unexpected resident of a very small town, Pickle Lake – the literal end of the road in northwestern Ontario. After Pickle Lake, the road toward further north becomes only gravel and dirt until bitter winter allows for the very necessary freezing of lakes to drive any further.

Pickle Lake was where my parents lived. I thought it would be a fairly short visit while I worked out the plan for the rest of my life. Well, who doesn’t know the joke about plans and fate? Accordingly, I ended up staying long enough to get roped into taking those first-aid lessons, then onto the next education level to earn the job of volunteer ambulance attendant. The way this works is a little different from full-time city attendants. We were on-call for 12 hours, day or night, for the grand pay of $2.50/hr.

Clearly this was not a life-sustaining role on our side of the gurney. So, my mother stepped in for me on that too and got me a job sharing her role at the gold mine. More 12 hour shifts, but the pay definitely propelled me into ‘able to eat regularly’ status. Both experiences served to teach and enforce the lessons of the other.

I previously wrote a bit of the experience in a tribute to one of the attendants who took me under his wing during the bulk of my training. We worked out most of the kinks in getting me up to par until I was ready enough to work in rotation with any of the other team members, my mother included.

There were many moments of what I’ve heard is the experience of pilots –long bouts of boredom followed by short bursts of adrenaline-fueled terror. Okay, the terrified moments were rare, but the adrenaline is very real. When that phone rang, we had to be prepared for anything and it seemed as though anything was always up for offer. Car accidents, forest fires, plane crashes, overdoses, assaults, industrial accidents, and babies about to be born.

There was story after story, of which many will never be forgotten – the young man we tried to save on Christmas day; the baby that almost landed in my hands instead of the attending nurse’s in rushed chaos; the young man who lost his arms at the mine. There was that time I almost lost my arm to the jaws of life. In the effort to extricate the woman I was holding up in a twisted car, the attendant cutting mistook the reflective band on my uniform for metal. Luckily it was only a nano-second of threat. (Thank you forever, dearest Eric for warning the cutter just in time).

There were other events that didn’t quite work according to plan. Mom and I had to attend a patient who’d fallen down a snowy hill and broke her ankle. We learned she was a friend and so we had a little extra concern with what we’d find. It wasn’t too bad and we got her all snugly secured and ready to lift to the ambulance when I heard my mom yell out, “Robyn, get to that truck now!” I quickly turned to see the ambulance slowing rolling backward down the hill. I stood stunned until I realized I’d forgot to put on the emergency brake. I madly ran into the moving vehicle to slam it on. Holy cow. It was bad enough that I was going to hear about this from our dispatcher and from the rest of the overall crew, but I’m pretty sure I can still feel the burn from the look I got from momma. Oh, and from the follow-up glare of our friend.

There are moments after moment that I share with my mom in these settings that I know bonded us beyond what we’d already had. The aftermath of some of the scenes takes us to places that only others who’ve done it can know. Our entire crew was a set of people as fine as anyone could ever meet. They, and so many that we were sent to help, will always be inextricably held in our hearts.

Even now, decades later, I can vividly hear their voices and feel what we went through. I am so damned proud to have been a part of their team and especially with my mother.

All of it really, was just another gift from momma.

RL

Wishing the best of the new year to all. Stay safe.

How did a year pass in only a day

A May day surprise

I feel her, knitting our relatives together
The past coming forward, speeding to today / this moment
Eras of generations unfurl; we see you, they wave
We feel you; we’ve always been here


I feel her, still coordinating
Always a planner, a bridge to events
Our grandmothers and grandfathers are here with her
They’re all here for us, talk to them

I feel her

Reva Anne
September 6, 2020
Mother, Grandmother, Daughter, Sister, Organizer

RL

Phoetry is Back, Part 2

An ode to adventures at home in three lines and a photo, continued…

No longer sunken
Laid to rest in solitude
Rust-worthy pursuits

#Haiku
Skimming the ripples
Decisions, oh decisions
Water or the sky

#haiku
Due care practised well
Warm welcome upon return
Shrouds begin to lift

#Haiku
It felt tropical
A palm tree in full disguise
Willing to be fooled

#Haiku
Luna is hiding
No, I’m not shy; I’m beaming
Perfectly in frame

#Haiku

RL

All photos by Blog Woman!!!

Phoetry is Back, Part 1

It was forever since I looked at where I live. I’ve been mostly in the business of adjusting to new normals – again. Still. Look, can we finally just face that we really have no idea what normal really was? A lot of what was normal badly needed the revision anyway. I guess we’re all still working on it.

In the meantime, home commanded my attention. I forgot what an adventure home is…

Home sweet home
Tantalizing dreams
Still fathoms

#Lune #photo #poetry
Pleasure sits idle
Labor has punched in the clock
Unlocked and undocked

#Haiku
Memories fill up
Years of crossing my own paths
Storied bridges fade

#haiku
She accepted it
Cradling the final moments
Inevitable

#Haiku
Planetarium
Setting the spotlight focus
Lunar favorite

#haiku

RL

All photos by Blog Woman!!!

Wednesday Wins: ‘Cause it’s My Anniversary!

8 years. I guess it’s safe to assume I made it past that 7 year itch in this relationship. So, am settling into the idea of longevity, along the lines of other such long-time-honored couplings as pen to paper; the word to a press; ink to squid.

What can I say? I have 8 years of thought, ideas. ideals and I’m sure, a drawer-full of plain old crap in this literary bin. I’ve decided to kick off moving into year 9 on the lighter side with a few easy, breezy pleasurable ha ha.s.

So, let’s begin with one quick, deep thought and then onto what amounts to average life ups and downs, with a little input from m’boy.

Yeah. See? Who’s thinking now?
‘Nuff said.

Oh, how we hunger…

Son: Holy! Are those udders??!! Mom: Well, they sure ain’t testicles….

Well, clearly this is a case for coconut oil.

I love that I had to solve this for my brainiac, Dean’s List son. 🙂
Covid 19AD

The required standard PSA

Boomer (according to m’boy) Musical Interlude:

He just wants it all to come together.
Likely a blogger.

I wonder if they come in black. Getting details from this guy is like pulling teeth.

…and that’s all she wrote, folks.

Many, many thanks to the readers who keep this site active every day despite the long pauses this past year. Anyone who runs any social media page knows this kind of support is beyond golden. My gratitude cup runneth over, but not with the words to convey my full appreciation. Kindness has always left me somewhat speechless and all that I’ve received within this year are no exception. A very soul-level thank you for this.

I hope to be back a little more regularly, but you know, … life… So, until then, keep on keeping safe. See you soon. ❤

RL