Um Adriana, I Don’t Like You Like That

So, I got another email from Adriana today. At first I was annoyed at her constant recurrent messages. However, now as the months have gone by, I’m starting to worry about her.  She really doesn’t seem to be able to move forward in life.

typistShe said she’d chatted with me quite a bit on Facebook before I deleted her.  I can honestly say, I don’t recall any of that. Nothing, nada, zip. But then again, a little further in the letter she admitted that maybe she chatted with me only a couple of times.  I wonder if this was when I was attached to those serious morphine drips.

She keeps saying she is newly single and moving near me soon.  Seems she’s not able to move quickly, ‘cause she’s still where she was when she started writing me seven or eight months ago. She might also have to start making better choices in the love department since her relationship cycle has gone down to one or two week increments at most. Always sounds so lonely; poor thing. Maybe I can help her out with that.

Actually, I’d better help her out with that.  Apparently somewhere in those early chats, she got the idea I could be some kind of friend with benefits. She said I told her how cute she is. (Gonna have to go ahead and blame the morphine). Then she continually asks if I’m married and drops lots of hints about what we could do together.  She “loves the outdoors and to socialize, go out for drinks, restaurants, movies etc”.  She also calls me “Babe”. I think the sooner I can get her set up with someone, the less likely I am to hurt her feelings when I have to point out that I don’t really like her ‘like that’.

She said she’s currently employed with some kind of website where she actually gets paid to yap, etc.  Sounds like a pretty good gig to me; I can chat anyone’s ear off! I wonder what the pay is like?

On the other hand, she said she needs to find work when she does finally get here.  I hope that’s not a hint to help her find a job.  I’m not sure what I could endorse her for – maybe something with repetitive tasks.

I wonder why she couldn’t just set up the same chat thing here.  It would save a lot of effort to get settled, and it would also help a lot in romantic appeal territory.  I’m sure her having a job would be a lot easier for me to promote than the level of her libido – something else she likes to point out regularly. Some people are just that comfortable with themselves, I guess.

Anyway, as a soon to be neighbor, I will do my best to welcome her to the community. Hopefully I’ll only have to show her around a little.  Hopefully her resume is up to date.  Hopefully she doesn’t add that libido part into the conversation when I introduce her to anyone.

I’m not sure what I offered in those alleged conversations, but a little help is the least I could do after her repeated generous offers of some kind of VIP pass code to her chat site, which by the way, includes full access to her webcam. Normally people have to pay some big monthly fees for this, but because I’m a ‘special’ friend, her boss “Natalie”, says I can have it for free.

I suppose I should log onto it soon to at least let her know I got the gift and say thanks.  Then I can see if we can nail down the dates of her imminent arrival and finally get her onto her new path.

Oh look, there’s another email from Adriana; I guess I can catch up with her now.

RL

Friday Funnies: ‘Cause It’s Time For A Little Music

I think it was one of those weeks that work to kick off a great Mother’s Day weekend:  Car Trouble Tuesday, Winless Wednesday Lotto, last Saturday threat of arrest. Yeah, this  > < close, but no cuffs after all. This Saturday will likely look slightly less dramatic. I say as I now scramble to find a piece of tree to knock on immediately.  Ah, it wasn’t that dramatic really. I was just exercising my right to protest the risks of permanently destroying the water around Vancouver with bitumen. All in a day’s work …

This brings us to Friday and you know what that means! I’m in the mood to hum …

We can all start with a full group guilty plea…

Oh sure, despite the obvious threat, no one offered to arrest this guy though

Summer PSA intermission

C’mon, sing it with me… Wo-oah…

This one’s for the Millennials. Whatcha gonna do with all that junk. All that junk inside your trunk

A moment of silence, please. Nah, just kiddin’ …  And them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye …Singin’ this’ll be the day that I die ….This’ll be the day that I die….

Small dogs. …Amirite?  Arrest it!

….Na na na na na na na na na na naaaaaaaaaaa…. Oh nooooo…….

This is why summer PSAs are necessary

Well, you knew we had to address the elephant in the room eventually…

Mm hmm. Yep.

And now, at least two of those tunes will stick with you for the rest of the day. Have a fab weekend, and a Happy Mother’s Day – in solidarity  … or solitary. Up to you, really.

RL

Friday Funnies: ‘Cause 5 Years of Blogging Bliss on Saturday

Hey, my 20 or so readers – can you believe I’ve been at this for 5 years already?! (Still?) Technically, the anniversary is tomorrow, March 17th, but Friday funnies…

I think this is supposed to be one of those milestones that beg for a little reflection with the gratitude for still playing in this sandbox. It’s true that I have come through a long meandering road to narrow the ‘topic tabs’ of my preferences. My original journal notes on life became the need to speak out for decency & fairness. To work in the best of hopes to elevate life for the marginalized & abused. Of course, even that isn’t much of a stretch when, as an Indigenous person, you’re speaking for one’s own relations for the most part.

I’ve also received an incredibly intense education over these years as I delved into the meat of the issues for the Indigenous. I believe many of you have shared those eye-opening lessons and I thank you, so very much, for your support and encouragement in that especially.

I’ve also learned you also don’t mind when I veer off into my other passions of sanity controls – poetry and eye-rolling humour. Without a doubt, I’m grateful to my following for your awesome prop-ups overall. So there, 5 years along, time to head into some lightness of being…

Solid medical opinion

2018… amirite?

Wait’ll they see her sidle up to them wearing a shark fin. Smile!

This completes the PSA obligation

Seems like this would be an end of the week job…like the end of a very long week – fortified with a lotta gin.

Oh, you know more than a few of us own these pants!

Let the birds speak their causes… you can always eat them after.

Ha ha, made you look…

 

Nostalgia hit… Just let it carry you back to Grade 1….

When you have teddy bear separation anxiety. It’s a thing! Or, it could be…

Much like my dignity after stooping to this level for my 5th Anniversary post…

Have a fab weekend, I predict a lot of green in various futures. Cheers – and thank you, again!

RL

Friday Funnies: ‘Cause … 2018, Sigh

So, 2.5 weeks into 2018.  I don’t even have to say anything about the new year landscape, do I? This is why I figure I’ll just do a nice, little detour to distraction today. You with me?

Yeah, let’s escape like crazy into this mad weaving of 10 mostly stolen memes & wisdom. Yes, I do – I live on the edge like that…

thrills

I know Canada peeps know this rite of passage… and it didn’t kill ya either.

Canada is getting all kinds of coooll in 2018

So glad that resolutions thing is out of the way!

See, if you work real hard and just apply yourself…

When you commit to your ‘spirit animal’, but she dinna want you.

26239457_10211073937312587_8830446752676027136_n

………….…Prunes only love you when they’re dryin’…………..(Feetwould Mak)

No one. We met the President today.

We now pause for this quick PSA…

Growth chart

I’m tracking my debt-load in the exact same way

Tipping a feather to the cuzzins…

I’ll go ahead and take that last word, Alex…

My wisdom wins

 

Thanks for dropping by. Grab yourself a big plate of the most distracted weekend ever.

RL

ICYMI: That Time I Was a Goat Herder

What a month, eh? So much padded wall-level induced activity all around, I know I feel like a bumper car in a maddening institution. Except every bounce-back is a welcome push to a new direction, destination be damned. Speaking of new directions, last year I thought I’d give that a whirl – at least in theory. I decided I would change my outlook and profession toward something more collective, so to speak. That’s right – goat herding.

So, OK, I wasn’t really a goat herder. At least not in the literal sense. It was just a little fun I had with Linkedin.  If you don’t know what Linkedin is, well apparently, neither do a lot of the people who actually use it.

How do I know that? Well, because once in a while I like to test the efficacy of certain operating procedures in my world. This time I wondered about the notifications effectiveness on Linkedin, so I made a couple of changes to my profile.  I changed my name to Shelley Miller and I ramped up my rather average marketing title to ‘Goat Herder’.  I also changed my location to Montana for good measure and then I kept that profile up for two weeks.

Goater herder MONTANA

Do you know what kind of response I got to all these changes in my life? Nothing. Nada. Not even a blip on any social media radar. Is it me? Apparently I have to really, really up my game in business social media

Why not? Apparently I can be anything I want on Linkedin anyway. I’m seriously considering ‘Fire Hula Hooping Rocket Scientist’, tagline: “We light the fire under your landing pads”!

Maybe it’s better to leave plain marketing as is and turn to Memey Vice. Let’s face it, this post has gone to the dogs anyway and what the hell, let’s stick some goats in while we’re at it.

Reason has its moments… Guess which one works for Linkedin?

Well played sharon don't underestimate a woman dogDon’t ever underestimate a sheep or goat-herding woman, dog… Just sayin’.

Hold your horses, the goats are coming…

goat kid naps

 

OK… never mind…

… and I’ll just be on my way…

Even nature becomes one with nature.  It’s a thing.

OK, OK, I’m going, I’m going..

Who knew goats could be so baa-ad ass?

Oh man, that’s cold.  … Well, excuse me… at least I goat the last word…

Have an awesome weekend, all.  See ya when I see ya.

RL

 

Friday Funnies – ‘Cause, I Had to Put ‘Something’ Together

I didn’t get a ha-ha in for March or April? Wow, time flies in these box loads of crazy that’s passing for life lately. Kinda makes a girl feel like throwing in the towel on societal issues, humanity issues and all ‘Home & Garden’ issues really. I know I’m not the only one dealing with the feeling of falling behind or down and dammit, with nary a drop of liquor involved.

So the very least we could do (literally) is, sit back on someone else’s funny bone and catch a breather. (Don’t go there, Randall).  Therefore, in deference to our victory over low bars; in indulging the least we can do, let’s look and learn from some commiseration of our uh, win.

Not even kidding. Every Jehovah’s Witness or girl scout offers to call the police every time they come to my door

Clearly, Frank is on top of the yard work. Suck it, Bob.

Need more glue on the yellow line…

That’s some top notch ‘screw it’, right there…

I’m not sure I’d even count the bracelet as one of the three… just sayin’

Some things are best left unsaid… (by me, I’d love to hear what you’d say!)

Yeah,  maybe it’s time to turn it all over to the animals. We can always count on them to add the sweetness factor…

It might take a minute

And for a stand alone project:

That’s it for this week or until the whirlwinds of ‘are you kidding me’ politics, personal duties, and community expectations settle down – hahahaha… Just kidding, that never happens – and y’all know it. We’re in this sin wagon together…

Here’s to an easy weekend and if not, at least settle for yard work at Frank’s level.

RL

Friday Funnies; ‘Cause We Took a Vote and the Electoral Meme College Carried It

So, so many memes, so, so little time…

Hey look, we survived the overwhelming jolly, holly season, the January blues, the February blahs and election seasons that never seem to end even when they’re like, finished – officially and everything… So sometimes we get to kick back and revel in a little super lazy; it’s like normal lazy, but we’re wearing a cape. Just another super power to revel in.  OK then, let’s go! What’s in the wind this week?  Saddle up!

ranch-dressing

Yippee ky Aaaaaa… giddy up there,         ranch dude.

Wheeeeeeee... when you really wanna keep the kids quiet. What? Too dark?

Wheeeeeeee… when you really wanna keep the kids quiet. What? Too dark?

surprised-cat-3

OK then, moving on…

Oh com'n... look for it

Oh com’n… look for it.  My ex’s twin.

Send for the full instruction video for only $29.95, S&H extra.

Send for the full instruction video for only $29.95, Genuine NRA approved     S&H extra.

spiders

I love spunk! Don’t we all love spunk? Someone give him a little pat…

sup

Fair number of us see similar when we turn on the bedside lamp.

this-is-angry

Yeah, that’s some real Hulk skillz right there.

testing-lab

Yeah, I generally throw in a PSA about here. Be safe out there, kids.

Oh, WTH, we'll give you 2 PSAs this month...

Oh, WTH, nothing wrong with throwing in a helpful hint too.

sleeping

Wild life game park safari

Continuing the wild life safari...

You should see them rev up during mating season…

And the reason we've reached this level of lackadaisical journalistic effort...

…And the reason we’ve reached this level of lackadaisical journalistic effort…

Sigh…

That’s it for this week and in all honesty I’m not sure what’s in store next. I have no idea whether I’ll be back to railing at politics, detailing social issues, or releasing steam through haikus. So, like the tagline implies, come back for what you think you’re gonna get, stay for the surprise!

Have an awesome weekend!

RL