I don’t fall, I dive into it head-first
Yes, Virginia, it is possible to make a giant, colossal ass of yourself. I do it all the time, but probably one of the biggest times was when it took me way too long to realize that ‘he just wasn’t into me anymore’.
Maybe I’da got the message sooner if we hadn’t conducted our conversations almost entirely, as in 99%, by email. Maybe I would have caught inflections or the absolute black and white of intention if I’d seen his facial expression and heard his tone – especially to other women.
As it turned out, my confusion was also based in some major naiveté that I should have outgrown by then. Despite all other behavior to the contrary, I’d actually hang onto any drop of warmth he’d toss at me as a sign that he really did care about me. I was hopeful to certain that he just needed to hear me say something encouraging about my feelings for him. Don’t gag. I really did believe that. OK yeah, now I join you in the reflex.
He was really pretty good at throwing sweet bait, but not as I’d hoped, to rekindle our closeness. No, he thought I had some info that would give him and a “friend” a leg up in a situation, maybe even help him out of a sticky spot. He wanted to be her absolved hero.
Now, I think most people would catch onto the repetitive-looping conversations to draw out ‘secrets’ perhaps sooner than the third or even fourth event, but I’m a slow learner.
I’d honestly believed his declarations of love, even while he continued to defend his right to a more ’rounded’ life. As in, additional curves that weren’t only mine. Yeah, that request was why I’d originally said goodbye.
Except then that situation for his new girl(s) came up and he knew I knew something about it, but not what exactly. So, why not throw the ol’ girl a tease.
As it would turn out, I didn’t have the info he wanted, but that didn’t stop him from giving it the ol’ college try to pry it out of me a dozen times or more. Yes, I said more than a dozen. Told you I was slow.
When it was finally clear that I couldn’t or wouldn’t give any of the desired intel and I requested we have a final and direct conversation about our own situation, he never returned an answer to that plea. He would stay hovering near, but never for the purposes of genuine closure.
Now, I know what he did was cold and cruel and he is a not so pure, first-class conniving ass and a hole one at that… but…
I’m not dumb… I’ve been called a pretty smart cookie by some pretty astute chefs, but in this case, in my need to not feel humiliated along with sad and lonely, I threw me straight into the whole pool of dumb – the really deep drowning end. I allowed myself to be mostly ‘kindly’ conned over and over and over. I guess we could say I outsmarted myself into dumber.
On top of that, I was surrounded by friends who saw the whole scenario for what it was and issued me dozens of warnings, and still I insisted I knew better – we were soul-connected. Gravol or Kwells, anyone?
Well, several eventual resuscitating defibs to the brain and I know better now, and I would tell that ol’ me or anyone: New Rule – two strikes.
Two strikes on the same issue and then it’s, sweet dreams, busy boy. One second chance to correct a first mistake; a third or more says it’s deliberate badness and I refuse further madness.
That doesn’t seem so dumb now, does it? And that’s an example of why I always say my wisdom has been hard-won.
Based on contemplative musings with a young woman while on my road to recovery from the big ones, and another huge thanks to my fab friends who have written posts while my brain cells are wobbly – for medical reasons this time.
RL
P.S. This story continued as I would learn more about the circumstances of this relationship in the months that followed. It turned out, I’d encountered far more than I could have realized at the time.
.
Well, what can I say Robyn – he’s a prick, there are some out there. Please believe that we are not all the same. 😀
P.S. – awesome gif! Ha!
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Ha! That was the first laugh for the day. Yes, I know I wasn’t the only one who needed to do some growing up in that overall event. And I do know a lot of really fine and genuinely lovely men. I like to think I am through with kissing frogs. 🙂 Thanks, Paul!
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#.robyn
How often do I have to tell you, don’t kiss frogs only ducks… 😀
By the way, very well written… 🙂
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Hahahahaaa… good one Drake. Now excuse me, I have to go uh, duck hunting. 😁
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It’s easy to be taken in by people who are skilled and willing to hurt.
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Yes, and I guess I would say, I needed to see some things about me too and this was one of them. Thanks, Dan.
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Sometimes it just takes us a little longer to figure things out, particularly when it comes to matters of the heart.
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Definitely, matters of the heart take me much longer to learn or see something for what it is. I remain hopeful that I learned to save myself and any young woman that much longer of a trip down shaky roads. Thanks, Lynn.
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I’m sorry you had to deal with this but glad you are stronger for it ultimately. I agree also on the two strikes rule…i just need to probably go ahead and implement it myself right now
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Ha! Do it sooner than later, girl! Yeah, I know what it’s like when you think maybe there’s a little light just around the corner with these guys, but the truth is, if there was, they’d be the ones bringing it to our attention. Sigh. Nice to see you and I hope all is well overall for you.
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Thank-you, Robyn, for a cleverly constructed post (GIF, Virginia link) post from a smart BlogWoman!! who escaped a rotten situation and is courageously sharing it with the rest of us. A triumphant return to your blogging world—I hope it’s a sign your recovery is going well!
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Thanks so much, Jill. I love it when someone gets my attempts at clever. 😊
Every day gets a little bit better for me, thanks. Can’t wait to see where you’re taking us next. Big hugs.
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I don’t think we ever grow up or learn when it comes to matters of the heart. Our heart just does what it does and does not consult with our brain! Mine is dumb too. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Good to see you! 🙂
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Oh, I hope we do learn some things, but yeah, that old saying – the heart wants what it wants – is unfortunately all too true! Nice to see you too, Marsha.
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It surely is. Wish it was more controllable, but it AINT! The good news is that we mend. And I don’t think it’s really a bad thing to love someone – even if they don’t love us back. Some people are just not capable of doing that. YET, they need love more desperately than others. As long as we know that and we protect ourselves from getting hurt. We might just be the one that God uses to love that person. I know I have one like that. 🙂
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You’re the best, Robyn.
Anyone who can’t see that isn’t worth your time.
Yeah, I sound like a dad… so what?
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Robert… I wish I did have you for a dad… anyone can tell by the marvel you have for a daughter, that you’ve been doing some things right. At the least you would have shortened my learning curve soooo much.
Thanks for your friendship, and the back-up!
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Anytime, babe.
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I’m one who knows of whom you speak and sweetie, he was definitely always into you. He just wanted to put his emotional it into a few others at the same time! Personally, I couldn’t have been more thrilled when you finally caught on – dummy. You know I say that with great affection and definitely love. You have always deserved real and first class love. May that be your only course forever more. xoxo
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Ha! Yes, I know… well, you do know me and I always think that the best of someone is always going to jump out from behind the wall any minute and all magic will be restored. Yep, I know…If the magic wasn’t real in the first place, it never will be and that wanker is likely to crawl out of the rock long enough to drag someone else down again – unless of course, he finds one that also lives under one, as I think this one did.
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Neither here nor there now, but as one of your previous readers said, it’s his journey to either better or sink in. If he’s half the person he states he is, he’d be working on that right now.
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Agreed.
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The only mistakes not worth making are the ones we don’t learn from, right? OK, sometimes we can be a bit slow on the uptake (I sure know I am) and the result is we get hurt. But we learn from it, and hopefully it doesn’t happen again.
You’re one amazing lady, Robyn. Xxx
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Thanks again, Lou. I wish I could feel that amazing a little more right now, but the fates seem to want to remind me of a few ‘errors’ in judgement at this time. Sigh. Reflections, reflections, reflections…. when will I finally be rid of and at peace with, reflections?
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When you’ve learned all you can from them, maybe? Just remember that the real you is the one you see when you step away from the mirrors.
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I will get down on my hands AND knees to gain support for the effort to step away from the mirrors! That has been the hardest thing for me in all of this. I am so slow sometimes! ARGhhhh.
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Damn! I should’ve put that man’s comment on Humans of New York on this one instead! Hell with it, here it is:
“Women — take care of yourselves out there, and don’t accept less than a man’s best. Demand it. Call his bluff that he’ll leave if you’re hard on him, because any man who has a woman push him to be his best is bound to be a success in life — and deep down, he knows it”.
We have got to make sure no more of this kind of bullshit, right, friend? Also liked your song addition. What a really, really ‘Stupid Boy’. Ha ha.
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Well, the damage could’ve been worse. You’re alive and well. Onward and upward!
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Oh yes, the damage could have been so, so much worse. Thanks for your visit, it’s a pleasure to see you.
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