103 People Unfriended Her, How Many Would Do the Same to Me

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freshly-pressed-rectangleI came across a Huffington post about a woman who posted pictures of herself on her Facebook wall that caused a collapse in her social circle.  The headline said “When Beth Posted These Images on Facebook, 103 People Unfriended Her”.   

The headline effectively grabbed my attention, but what the story really did was zero in on the heart of one of my own deepest fears.  It cut to a deep vulnerability that even I don’t fully understand, but it’s one that has held me back from engaging as fully in life as I possibly could.  I can’t do that until I can somehow get to a place of true peace about it.

canvas-scars-e1402024284679The pictures that Beth Whaanga, the woman in the Huffington piece, posted were semi-nude images of herself featuring her scars from a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy.  They were taken by a photographer leading a project called, “Under the Red Dress”. It endeavors to share a pictorial story to inform and support anyone who has or may be affected by breast cancer.

I found the project a beautiful and amazing effort and I applaud Beth’s astonishing courage. It was those 103 friends though, that stayed with me longer than the point of her story.  They represented the maybe 103 reasons I have an issue of my own.  Like Beth, my body has been criss–crossed with several large and deep scars, not from cancer, but another serious chronic issue. I find despite my confidence in life generally, I haven’t yet been able to re-gain confidence about this new reality of my own image.

I know some of my friends might be surprised to hear this, but maybe not a few who knew me from long ago when I was more carefree in my pre-health issue, pre-pregnancy and pre-surgical body.  I received plenty of positive attention back then, and I am sure that, despite all equality efforts to move past this, I won some business benefits because of my appearance.  Looks matter.

In seeming contradiction to what I’m saying so far, I do have a full life, in large part because of those scars.  My priorities absolutely honed in on family, community, purpose(s), and I do live to serve as best as I am able, but.  But.

  •  But now there are tremendous differences in my body and there’s not much I can do about it without the resources that I might employ if I had them.
  • But now I don’t know how to dress in ways that are really about highlighting my best, and not hiding the changed stage starring scars that come through the fabric.
  • But I have no idea how many more scars will be added.
  • But I don’t want anyone to see them. Hey, when even your loved ones grimace….
  • But what if I really like someone and then….?  How many of the 103 are on my path?
  • But what if I’m not enough for someone to see past them?
  • But, what kind of person would be attracted to this? Ugh! What kind of person would be attracted to this?

Cripes, I didn’t even want to tell anyone I had them, and now that I have, it’s still safe to say that there will be no pole-dancing in my future.

Yes, I know I am not my scars.  That, on the surface of it, considering that I have been able to claim at least 4 of my 9 lives, this shouldn’t even be a factor in my world.  I’ve been told to wear my scars proudly, as the badges of (literal & figurative) survival. Truth be told, I would say the same to someone else.  So then, why aren’t I able to do that for me?  Why can I stand up for Beth, but not me?

I’m one of those people who believe that there are no real coincidences and that I was meant to see this story.  It compelled me to review myself again and honestly and directly confront the part of me that holds me back from feeling whole again.  I believe in my whole spirit, but I haven’t yet worked out how to truly infuse that into my life experience.  I know that next to that, one new step is allowing me to entertain the idea of another relationship. (Yes, girlfriends and parents, I know you think the time for a new man is overdue, but…).

In the end, I have to live with myself, and I find that hard enough in some of the ways I’ve shown.  I’m not sure if I will ever live with someone else again, but if I decide that’s for me, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to get to that place of peace first.

So there, I’ve said it out loud. Sort of.  Maybe this note is about just getting to honest acknowledgement that this is real for me and the real me.  Perhaps the scars are a step in my overall purpose. Maybe someday I will be as brave as Beth – not for  pictures, but in her confident acceptance.  I don’t have the answers yet, but I hope to one day.  This is a story written mid-struggle.  For now, the only thing about life that I’m certain about is it’s uncertainty, – and how much I love my boy.

RL

392 thoughts on “103 People Unfriended Her, How Many Would Do the Same to Me”

  1. Great posting! I think bloggin’ can be bloomin’ dangerous. You have to have confidence in who you are – otherwise they will break you down into a load of unconfident sh*t. Great thoughts, well expressed!

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  2. Loved ones grimace because they love you– and it hurts to know that loved ones have been scarred, even when the scars are symbols of victory. You are beautiful because YOU are beautiful. I hope one day you can see that, but until then, if you ever need to be reminded, you can come by and chat with me. 🙂

    (Oh, and as to clothing… I don’t know if you know Lindy, but she’s wonderful about things like that. She has lots of advice on lots of different blogs, but I know she’d help if you just gave her details: http://changingyourclothes.wordpress.com/2013/09/12/who-am-i-anyway-part-2-of-many/)

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    • That you Rara, for the insight and the referral. I will definitely look Lindy up. I hadn’t thought as much about my near and dear feeling hurt within their reactions. I guess I saw it from the other side that people look more beautiful or even ugly according to your closeness and trust in them. I guess I thought that my family would more easily overlook the initial appearances. Your view actually caught me off-guard because of course, how could I have forgotten how painful it is to see any evidence of a loved one’s pain. As much as my post can maybe sound like a a whiny self-indulgence to some, (and no, I do not feel that is your view), it was a big first step to getting on with it. Beth’s story came at just the right time I think, and the credo: what will be, will just be came out. As it goes, one step at a time. Thank you again, for your unfailing kindnesses.

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  3. this is a beautiful and thoughtful post. the unfriend story is so shocking and sad to me. this plays on each of our deepest fears, that we will be rejected by those around us if we ‘reveal our real selves’ in some way. it is human nature to have this fear, and especially if we have lived life and gone through things that have left us less than ‘perfect.’ we each first have to accept ourselves, exactly as we are, though this is a process, and much easier said than done, and those around us will come to do the same. i think the reason many may reject us for our imperfections, is fear. fear that they are vulnerable too, that things could happen to them, fear of not understanding what happened to us, and it is easier for them not to think about, or see the possibilities. hugs and best wishes on your continued journey ) beth

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    • Hi Beth – thanks so much for your note. Yes, the friend loss part – it really made me see that that was exactly the kind of rejection I have been afraid of for years. Mind you, we can’t really know all that they were rejecting, but the initial reaction was shocking. I would have assumed they knew her story and history long before she posted the photos to show what had happened to her. I couldn’t understand the lack of empathy, and even just plain common decency. I really don’t understand so many kinds of people. I have been on a steady quest to dump vulnerability fears for some time, and this is one of a couple of the biggest. It’s a first step and so far, the world has not, in fact, caved in on me. Thank you for your encouragement Beth, it is a kindness that is frankly, indescribable to be on the receiving end of. Thank you so much for that.

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  4. I think the realities of most human bodies (road maps of our lives) are very different from the constant focus on the young, the cosmetically beautiful and commercially viable. So much so that real bodies are seen as unnatural and not the other way around.
    As for Facebook, I’m biased. I think it’s a cesspool of superficiality, so no genuine conclusions can be gleaned from being “un-friended”.

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    • Hi Michelle – I agree with you, the focus on what is beautiful couldn’t be further from those of us who have earned a more deeply etched road map. I think it’s terribly sad, but the people who can really see the beauty in a life well-lived are too few and far between. I don’t think a lot of us learn that until we are faced with the sense of loss somehow. I guess for me, hearing stories like Beth’s are empowering, even if it is only enough for me to say, this is what I am, this is what my issue is. I think I sense a tide beginning to roll in overturning old thoughts, and I want to be a part of it. Thank you so much for coming by and sharing your thoughts.

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  5. Robyn, based on your beautiful honest post, I’d say you are pretty courageous already. I was deeply moved by reading about your fears and vulnerabilities. I totally get what you mean about being scared about “losing people” when we reveal ourselves fully in any way. That said- I read about the woman who was unfriended by all those people and I couldn’t help but think good riddance to them because at the end of the day they couldn’t possibly have been real friends- or perhaps they are unable to look at themselves so nakedly that they can’t do the same to someone else.

    Sending you love and acknowledging you for the resilient survivor that you clearly are!

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    • Thank you so much Diahann. It is partly because of your own recent posts about image, with a couple of recent incidences, and then Beth’s story, that I reached a tipping point for me. By the time I read about the very fear that that is always in the back of my mind in her story, I just kind of broke open. What am I really trying to hide here, and from whom? I am working my way through my own mental responses bit by bit, but it sure wasn’t something I thought about when I was younger and shall we say, more intact, I thought I was on a pretty even keel, until the thought of exposure, and intimacy of any sort came up. Wow, was I in for a world of shock. I guess, this is like an open resume now. Whomever I am to meet, will have access to this info. Hopefully, if anything, while I work through it, it will act as a sorting buffer for me to rid me of any superficiality up front. Maybe. 🙂
      I do agree, the friends Beth lost, weren’t really much of a loss. She’s better off knowing who she’s got left with for real support.
      Thank you so much Diahann for the love, your warm kindness, and your support. I can’t even say how much it means…. just please know that it does.

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      • Robyn, I definitely want to acknowledge you for allowing yourself to be seen in this way and also honoring yourself so that your liberating words can serve as a boundary for you to discern who deserves to meet all of you. Big bravery and self-care right there. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

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  6. I feel like I just sat on your couch with you.
    I have scars from three surgeries in 2010-11, and there’s at least one future surgery on the table. It’s hard, after a compliment, not to think he wouldn’t think so if he saw the patternless lines that lead nowhere. I wear long shirts so there’s no chance of exposure even if I reach high above my head, even when I’m home alone. I put a shirt on before I leave the bathroom after taking a shower, even when I’m home alone. I know the expectation is uninterrupted flesh. There are a few people I’ve allowed to see, but it makes me uncomfortable.
    Time and practice, I suppose. The Beths of the world show us a good example. I’m glad to see there are those with the confidence to share. You too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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    • Melanie – that has got to be one of the nicest opening statements I have ever got. Thank you for acknowledging why you understand where I’m coming from. Yes! I do the same things to hide and make sure no movement will allow exposure. I could almost cry hearing someone else say the same thing. It’s so crazy, and yet, it’s really how I feel. There are so many damn things to have to work through while trying to move forward and ahead. And just when I think I’ve got the latest level all even, bam. I suppose on the other hand, there isn’t too much more to scramble through. I guess now, after blowing into the brown paper bag for a bit, I kind of even see this as a sort of resume. Anyone can see this if they care to look it up. If they want to base their friendship, or whatever else it could be, on this, then well, I suppose I could look at it as a sort of initial screening process. No harm, no foul.
      You’re right, time and practise, and more Beths, until we become her too.
      Thank you, so very much, Melanie for your visit, and your support. You have got to have earned some major great Karma, for all the kindness you have shared with so many of us. Cheers to you always.

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  7. I think Twiggy has a lot to answer for – she started the revolution to the waif-like figure for women. Gone are the days of voluptuous women whose hips to waist ratio was much more “normal” & were considered super sexy! Because of this quest for the perfect body, so many people have forgotten that everyday women’s bodies go through tremendous stress delivering babies, menopause & many other changes in every day life, not to mention all the illnesses that plague women! If we have survived everything life has thrown our way, then I think we should be proud of the bodies that have helped us get through our trials, but it’s easier said than done. Unfortunately, we don’t have the luxury of air brushing in real life to make us look even more perfect!

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    • Hi BK, Nice to see you again. Yes, if only there were airbrushing for life! Although, considering what’s been offered by technology so far, it may not be that far off. On the other hand, it might be better for us to raise humans to re-think what is beauty, or to raise enough maturely perspective kids for those of us not so perfect. I guess we’ll see. Thanks for your note!

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  8. Good evening my brave wonderful friend!!….I am overwhelmed by your honesty and eloquence!! I just went upstairs to the bathroom to try to count my scars….I am over 30..mostly surgical!!! They have made me who I am and everyone loves you for who you are…and so will the next “special someone” in your life….Mine sure does!!!! XOXOXOXO jo 🙂

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    • Oh Jo – Well, now you’ve done it. The tears have spilled over and freely. You have overwhelmed me, and knowing what you have first hand, is just beautiful encouragement. I can’t even begin to say how much I learn, it seems almost daily, from you and Donna, and Glo, and Nancy, and man, how lucky was I, the day you and Donna stopped me at the pool. I love you all so much. xoxox a hundred times back.

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    • Thank you for the visit. A few of my readers agree, the friends were not really friends, and/or her post hit a nerve too deeply for them. This was the part that really hit home for me. That rejection was the very fear that I’d done a pretty good job of ignoring for some time. I didn’t realize that it ran as deeply as it has until certain events, like a chat with an old friend about moving on in certain areas of my life came up. Beth’s story really put it right in my face, and it was too hard to ignore anymore.
      Thanks again for coming by, and I appreciate your leaving a comment.

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    • I agree with you Susan, there had to be something more (or much less) to the people who ‘were’ her friends. It’s very reassuring to know that revealing vulnerabilities merits more support than kicks in the the teeth. Thanks very much for your visit and comment.

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  13. I’m amazed that someone has the courage to talk about and display her scars. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with them and scars don’t faze me at all. What does, is the superficial quality of friendship online. I’ve tasted that and I’m not even physically scarred.
    What I do wonder is who were the unfriends? Was it men who can’t cope with being friends with a less than perfect ( in their sad eyes) woman? I can see that happening as we’re fairly superficial creatures sometimes, but surely not women who should understand and sympathise ( if not empathise) with Beth, unless they just object to undressed women.
    I’d want to know whether they were young people who just didn’t want to face up to the problems that might face them.
    Either way. Beth at least knows who her friends are now and shouldn’t be disappointed that the (perhaps) less than caring have now gone.
    Those that are left will be there as a support for when she needs it.

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    • You ask very good questions David, about the type and quality of those friends. I guess we won’t know for certain, but there have been some very good guesses so far. It is painful when your friends get sorted out from real to not so real or supportive. I have been through that before and it was even shocking. The upside is that you aren’t wasting any more unnecessary time either, and the friends left are true blue support.
      Thank you so much for coming by, and for your thoughtful comment.

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  15. Incredible post. I saw the photographs last week and applauded her for her bravery and confidence – I dont think that I would have the courage to share scars that I may have. You’ve made me think about lots of things. Thank you for sharing!

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  19. Unfriended because of photos of her scars? … these were not friends.
    When I look at my son’s massive ugly scars, yes I grimace. Not because they are massive and ugly, but because of the deep visceral memories of the time we almost lost him. It’s been 10 years and I still cry at the thought. Those scars are a reminder of both a fear and a gratitude that goes beyond words.
    Thanks for sharing this story.

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    • Thank you for your very meaningful comment Joanne. Your point about scars being a reminder of the pain of a loved one is so true. I hadn’t thought about that point of view, but between your story and one I received a couple of days ago, I have been given a gift that has opened my own eyes somewhat. Any step toward being able to breathe more easily about what is is another spot closer to wholeness. Thank you, so much, for your story.

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  20. What a beautiful post, I’m sure it was hard for you to write. I did see that Huffington Post article too and was awed by Beth’s bravery, showing herself like that. And those “friends”, truly not friends. I think it’s hard enough for all of us as we get older, we all change and have to learn to see ourselves differently. I struggle with this continually. And having scars too of course can magnify it. Please know you are not alone in your vulnerabilities. Regardless of whether they are shown, we all have accumulated a few scars along the way that have made us who we are. Thanks for writing and sharing with us!

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    • Thank you Robin, and yes you are absolutely right about my struggling to ‘put my fear out there’. I wasn’t sure how it might be perceived, and then I wondered how people I know would accept it on various levels. I know this isn’t too unusual for anyone who reveals any vulnerability, but something about Beth and her story just seemed to crack open a desire in me to get it over with, and then get on with the business of moving forward. There is no doubt we all have to also get used to our own new normals as time marches on. It has been really good to hear the stories and thoughts from other people who understand too. Thanks again for your lovely visit and comment.

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  21. What a great article! I have had scars on my face my entire life. As I age, they don’t age gracefully, and I notice them, but I have been fortunate not to be able to count how many unfriends I’ve made because of them. Only recently did a doctor friend of mine tell me how surprising it was for someone with my handicap to rise as far as I have. That hurt. I never thought of my harelip as a handicap, and I started seeing what I could do to reduce it. I can’t. It’s there. We all have scars, and those who love us, don’t mind, in fact may love us more because of them. After all no one is perfect. The scars of others and how they deal with them, make us respect them more, and inspire us to get through our own journeys. Thanks again for the great article, and thanks to John for reposting it. That’s where I saw it first. 🙂

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    • Hello Marcia – so great to see you. Oh, the scars that can be seen, and hurts that come from the best of intentions. This has been quite an unexpected journey so far. The commiseration and wisdom coming out has been so awesome – in the true understanding of that word. I hope I come across the someones “who love us more because of them” too. Thank you so much for coming by, and am definitely grateful to John for sharing my post. That was another unexpected surprise. Nice to hear from you.

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  22. Blog Woman – I was once in the place that you are in now. A car accident that almost took my life and breast cancer, hip replacement as well as other misadventures, have scarred my body. I have been able to move forward – and find a few men who accept my body AS IS, because of my belief that this body is a container for my soul. It is on loan temporarily for my time here on earth, but I haven’t taken very good care of it. I have abused it. BUT, in the end, it will be discarded and I will be free of it.IT IS WHAT IT IS, for now.

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    • Hello Judy. I absolutely love the way you view the point of a body. I am working my way to your point of view, and being able to hear these things first hand is a huge help. I also hope that when I’m at the point where men are a factor in a personal way, I will be lucky to find the kind that are as accepting as yours. Thank you so much for sharing your stories and wisdom.

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      • Blog Woman – I was surprised to realize that in my first reply, I didn’t even mention my biggest scar, from by-pas surgery, and it is the most visible. Obviously, you can get to a point where you forget the scars because they just become part of who you are. I pray that you reach that point sooner rather than later !!

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  23. It was a beautiful and well written piece and timely for me, I cannot imagine, what it feels like to be you or the woman with the lighter load on Facebook. However, I cannot imagine de-friending someone over it either. I wish you both a long, healthy future.

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    • Thank you so much for your kindness. While Beth is a bit ahead of me on lightening worthless loads, this post alone has been an amazing opening for me to take some steps forward too. Mostly because of wonderful people who have come by and given some of their precious time to share their stories and thoughts with me. It’s been a pleasure to hear from you, and a long, healthy future wish is said for you too.

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  24. Awesome story. And kudos for the courage you both have. I do not know if this is helpful in any sense of the word, but the one aspect of life I find refreshing (I do have others) is that the older I grow, the list of what I thought was important has shortened. Family, friends, and sense of self worth and being at peace with my attempts at living a good life…. As for those “friends” who dumped her….they probably did her a favor….

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    • Thank you so much ryeder. I’m very happy to hear you liked this story, and I really appreciate your supportive comments. I do understand the value of shortening some lists. Quality is something I’ve really come to desire over quantity for sure. Thanks for coming by…..

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  25. I don’t have Facebook or twitter accounts or any of the many (anti) social media forums that garner you hundreds of instant friends (just mix with hot water and stir). I’d rather have a handful that will stick by me when I need them. Good on you for b ringing this topic up.

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  28. I’ve already commented on this – but that was before you were Freshly Pressed! Congratulations! When I saw you selected as being Freshly Pressed, I exclaimed “I know that person!!!!! I am almost famous!!!!” Wonderful!

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    • Oh, you made me laugh. Thanks for that! But I know someone already famous and he writes fantastic short stories every friggin’ day! Who does that?? A great writer, that’s who! Thanks for the second visit Bruce. 🙂

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  29. Nice post! It’s hard not to think about physical appearance, especially as a woman in the age of social media.
    I would give you some sort of uplifting and heart warming advice, but I’m sure you’ve heard it all before and at the end of the day, if you’re feeling self-conscious what you look for is a connection with the people at the time rather than insincere words from a stranger!
    Still, best of luck to you and I hope to read more of your stuff in the future.

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    • Thank you for your visit. I will say though Greg, that the fact that you did read my post, and then gave some of your time to comment means a great deal. I am very aware of how precious time is, and so your words of encouragement are very meaningful. Thank you for that too. Cheers!

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  30. Who cares how many people would unfriend you? The more the better: you are not here to satisfy anyone’s narrow aesthetic demands and if someone considers something so trivial as appearance (or your own comfort with your own body) as a deal breaker in friendship, it’s handy that they remove themselves from your world before you have to ditch them.

    You are sexy, you are more valuable than a diamond mine when it comes to love, you are a fuckin’ gift to humanity. Repeat after me.

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  31. First off, I wish you and the poster of those pictures the best of health. What’s scary to me is how insensitive and low on empathy people are these days. Everyone must look, think and act a certain way to be acceptable, otherwise people move away from them. It displays weak character, all of our bodies are going to break down someday, in some manner. Even if via aging.

    But, on social media I never assume anyone is a real friend anyway. It’s all follow the leader, be part of a movement-ish or people looking for return attention. It’s never about you. Or, rarely.

    So when you do something requiring heart to respond, it can sometimes come up short of support.

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    • Thank you so much for your kind wishes. I realized when I read Beth’s story, that whether they cared about her or not, the callousness was so awful, and it made me worry about how many of those kinds of people are in my world too. I am learning that I think I am already far luckier. It took taking a chance, and so far, people have overwhelmed me with their supportive love. Thank you also for stopping by to read my story. I hope I see you again soon.

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  33. Wow!! As a photographer myself and someone who seeks out art, I would’ve found this project and these photographs extremely beautiful, and as you clearly stated, quite brave. I applaud Beth in her courage to undergo the publicizing of her body and “flaws.” As for the 103 people who unfriended her, that is extremely disheartening, and I cannot imagine the the feelings that had to be arisen inside of her. That is horrible and those 103 people are clearly close minded and quite simply mean; unfortunately the world we live in today is driven by appearances of people with a majority of that influence spawned by publications and other media outlets which depict the “perfect” human being. It’s so sad and social networking certainly hasn’t done any good in changing this in any positive way. As for you and your admittance of visual “flaws” I also applaud you on your courage. I too have many scars that I can describe as unappealing, but in terms of finding a significant other, if they cannot look past those then they clearly not worth my time. Nobody is flawless. In terms of physical appearance. I don’t care if you’re a celebrity being voted for sexiest man/woman alive by People magazine. You questioned yourself on being able to give advice to others but not yourself. I am the same exact way. Do not hide yourself from the world though. I have never seen an image from you, nor do I know you personally, but from this post alone, you’re clearly a beautiful individual. Sorry for this novel sized comment, but your post struck hard in my mind. Stay peaceful and find that person who doesn’t even bat an eye about the scars on your skin 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for these wonderful comments and all the thought you’ve shared. I can’t tell you how much it means to hear from people who have some understanding. I am working on your advice to not hide, and on most levels of life I am out there. I just have to start out with some more steps and this post was that proverbial “1st one”. So far, it hasn’t been the doozy I was afraid of. Thanks again, and I hope to see you again soon JT.

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  36. In our society, when someone asks you ‘How are you?’ they want the standard answer ‘I’m good’. In my opinion, you should tell what you are feeling. Don’t lie to yourself or to others. It’s ok to not be ok. Loved your post dear. We all need more posts like this. We don’t need to hide our scars to feel beautiful. Thanks for sharing 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

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    • Thank you so much Lee. Oh, if only we were all OK enough to be so frank, and yes I agree with you – we don’t really need to hide our scars. We need to realize that most people are much kinder than we think, and I believe people like you are helping me see that more and more, Thank you for coming by, and I hope to see you again soon.

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  37. great post! I think it’s a the topic is something many can relate to but dare not speak about or acknowledge about. it’s true. looks matter. even though we are not our looks but it’s definitely part of something that defines us. I am in the sales line and everyday I worry about becoming an expired sales person.

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    • Thank you! Thank you for acknowledging that yes, looks do make a difference, and really they start to lose their overall factor once you’ve got the chance to get to know someone. I’ve been in marketing and sometimes sales for almost my entire career, so I understand where you’re coming from. I do also know though that you can retire from sales at a ripe old age. No pun intended. Thanks so much for your visit, I hope I see you again soon.

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  38. Wow, no coincidences alright! This is exactly what I’ve been struggling with for 20 years…wonderful story of courage. Gives me a sense of bond, in that, I’m not alone. I commend you for you bravery. A friend once told me when you bring your fears out into the light by telling another person, it loses its power over you. You will be free. Thank you for sharing this story it has given me courage.

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    • Hi Dawn. How nice to hear from a fellow struggler. That’s about the same time period for me too. I have another friend who has a beautiful relationship and family, and only since I posted this story has she let me know that she too has a long time health issue and even more scars than me! We are not alone, and I would say, yes there is power in sharing your story. Take whatever courage you’ve got here and use it in kindness for yourself too. Thank you so much for your visit, and your wonderful words. I hope I see more of you soon.

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  40. Wonderful, honest post. I agree with the “looks do matter” comment. Though we tell our children that they don’t, in reality they do, whether we want them to or not. I also love the final “and how much I love my boy.” I’ve always thought that a person who is going through something profound and painful should focus on something, anything, positive in they’re lives. And that’s a pretty great thing to focus on.

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    • You have no idea how much this comment made me smile. It’s been a lot of fun seeing different parts that stick out for people. I really liked that you got to my two main points. I work to overcome one, and I live for the other. He makes everything worth it. Thank you so much for your visit and the wonderful comment!

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      • You’re quite welcome. I’ve tried to practice such a sentiment in my own life. I’ve had problems, and still have them, but when I am feeling down, I always try to focus on what I do have. I’m glad to have made you smile!

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    • Thank you so much for your comment. You really touched my heart. Hopefully we will find our way out of the messy fear soon. I think talking about things help, and for me shining the light on this one was a big step to get there. I hope the same for you too. Thank you again for your kindness and willingness to share your feelings. I hope to see you again soon. Take good care.
      Robyn

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  44. You’re courageous for posting this, for revealing your fears. Maybe reveal you’re scars bit by bit- you will slowly get used to revealing them, loved ones will get used to them and no longer grimace at the thought of the struggle you’ve been through, and if anyone can’t accept them, they aren’t worth being friends with. I don’t just mean they aren’t worth you being friends with but anyone, as no one knows what their future holds and no one wants ‘friends’ who might reject them if that future isn’t perfect.

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    • Thank you Nikki! You give really nice advice here, and I think that may be how I do it. It’s been really nice to hear from so many people who seem to have really great outlooks about what is valuable. Thank you for your time and kindness. I hope I see you again soon.

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    • Thank you so much for your really kind words and encouragement. It is these kinds of contacts that make the next steps more do-able. So nice of you to take the time to read the story and then comment. All the best for you too!

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  46. Truth is everybody doesn’t like something about everybody. Different people choose their likes and their dislikes carefully. Truth is that if a person is human, they “choose” their friends by what pleases them or by what doesn’t scare them too much.

    Truth is, I can guess that if a person bares scares (emotional scars) from domestic violence or from child abuse or from living with a disfunctional family or from being a vegetarian rather than being a “normal” meat eater or from being from a Christian background or from being a Bible believer —that person, any of them might have 103 or more people “unfriending” them also.

    Truth is , it seems that the whole world “appears” to be searching for those perfect “friends” and “family” who are seemingly perfect, free from flaws, free from what the world has imposed upon them and free from those things which might be unacceptable in society.

    We all have our “cancer” scars, we just all get them differently. Not saying that cancer is less important nor saying that cancer scars or medical scars are easier to bear, but I am saying that as long

    as we are on this earth, human beings will reject us…

    and they will reject us for their own inadequate reasons and for their own inadequate judgments.

    And, so, we, as humans in an imperfect society, should learn that we are our best friends in times when those on Facebook or in times when those “outside” of us choose to reject us.

    I never judge my circle by whom is on any friends list on any social network. Inside of me, deep inside of me, I know who my true friends are. They have already seen whatever scars I have.

    And those who have seen the scars and have stayed –qualify to be my friends, my real friends, my true friends.

    And those who have run, who have panicked and fled the scene of nature and of the real world, those who have run fast and hard and far away,

    those inadequate ones are the unfortunate ones, not me.

    “To thine own self be true…. etc. etc. etc. etc….” …

    God loves me and so do I.

    That is all that is necessary in my world. Everything else, well that’s an extra piece of bread on the table .

    Your article is interesting and it is quite revealing.

    Kudos to you, for bearing your opinions here, in a world, where, sometimes opinions and thoughts separate us from the rest of the world.

    Have a peaceful, creative, and wonderfully joyful day and night.

    Peace.

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have made so many really great and thoughtful points. It is this kind of encouragement that helps it be possible for people like me to be able to move toward the next step of acceptance and peace. I really appreciate that you came by to ready my story, and then shared your time to let me know your wonderful thoughts. Thank you for your kindness. Peace back to you.

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